It is important to understand that men are different from women and their individuality is precious. Though women do have a tendency to think that they are perfect, unknowing they tend to make some mistakes that might result in breaking the relationship. Here are ten mistakes that most women make in relationships with the most common ones and being made in different ways by different individuals.
1. Being Over Possessive
Jealousy, absence of trust, controlling behavior, spying on your partner, asking him way too many questions, checking his phone and emails are all symptoms of over possessiveness. You must learn to trust your partner. Jealousy is like silent poison which kills a relationship slowly and gradually. Though, many a times your partner will choose to stay quiet for your happiness, it would eventually cause him a sense of exasperation. It doesn’t mean you have to blindly believe every word he says, but some amount of trust is very important.
2. Trying To Change The Man
Just remember, you love him for the person he is, then why change him? It is very important to accept your man, just the way he is. He will feel more loved and comfortable around you. Don’t ever make him feel that he’s not right the way he is for if he was not, you would not have been with him in the first place. You must always bear in mind that individuality is the true essence of a relationship..
3. Taking Him For Granted
It really doesn’t matter if the two of you have been dating for 4 months or 4 years, never ever take him for granted. Always keep doing things that will keep the spark in your relationship alive. Gestures like preparing his favorite dish once in a while, trying something new on bed, getting him gifts, surprising him, reminding him how much he means to you will work wonders in your relationship.
4. Taking Things Too Fast
Every relationship is a process of gradual understanding of one another and uncovering the possibilities in the relationship one step at a time. It is very important to take things slowly. Whatever happens, do not ever show up at his house unless he invites you. It may just send him wrong signals or plainly scare your man. It would be a better approach to let him take his time.
5. Talking Way Too Much
Men generally prefer actions to words. It is true that some amount of communication is vital for a relationship but telling him the latest gossip every now and then will make him feel like going and buying a pair of earplugs for when you’re talking. In a relationship, it is important to be a good listener as well. Communication in a relationship must be from both the ends and must be balanced between both people.
6. Control Freaks
Controlling behavior refers to criticizing him in everything he does, monitoring his food, wanting to know every minute detail of his life and taking charge all the time. Men hate to be controlled all the time. If he wants to be disciplined, he would go to his mother. Never try to control your man’s life. It would be a big mistake as men hate their girls turn into a mother hen.
7. Being Too Clingy
Space is vital in any relationship. It is important to keep some amount of distance from your partner, especially to give him a chance to miss you. Some amount of distance will only bring the two of you closer. Being too clingy is negative and will suffocate you partner and slowly kill your relationship.
8. Being Constantly Busy Over The Phone While You’re With Him
If you are that obsessed for your phone, why have a boyfriend? While you are with him, it is important that you keep your phone away as far as possible. When on a date, try to give one hundred percent of your attention only to him and not the rest of the world. However, if it is an urgent call you may attend it but see to it that you keep it minimal. Don’t talk for more than two or three minutes.
9. Getting Angry For Small Things
Men like to joke and tease the one they are attracted to. It is their way of flirting with them. So the next time your guy attempts to fool around with you, instead of getting angry and spoiling the moment, play along and have some fun for yourself!
10. Dependent For Every Small Thing
Men like women who are independent. They tend to respect them. Studies reveal that, most men find independent women really sexy. After all you don’t want to come across as a stereotype and ancient woman, who constantly needs a man to satisfy her requirements right?
Not everyone gets a chance to meet Mr. Right. If you think you have found him, don’t let a stupid mistake ruin a good and prospective relationship. If you feel that you might have committed any of these mistakes, it is always better to apologize and change yourself.
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Thank you for this insight. I’m in a new relationship (6 weeks) with a wonderful man. We’ve both been through so much …each with a divorce because of our ex-spouse cheating and being dishonest. I have to remind myself that this relationship is not like the previous one, but it is still young and needs that much more care and understanding.
All the best, Sherri!! I wish you well
I guilty of # 4 and 7, mostly 4. I met a great guy in January and within two months things ended abruptly. I felt that he lead me on. But I realized that I took this really fast and sent him running the opposite direction. I did silly thing. One weekend, I was supposed to be hanging out with my friends and I called/texted him so many times. Thing is he never would return my calls or texts and that just fueled me. He ended up telling me that he needed some time for himself. And although we sorta talked later on, I don’t think he had any intentions of hanging out again. And I never saw him after that weekend. Devastated, I finally let go but I learned my lesson.
This is true and sometimes unfortunate.. however, men love a chase. They also love to hear all the sweet nothings just as much as we do but us as women should be a little discrete about our compliments. Most men already have big heads, we do not want to contribute lol. We give them their space even if we are thinking about him. Chances are he’s thinking about us too
Well was with my everything for 32 years he passed away 5.5 yrs ago. Have had a few relationships 2 horror stories one said his wife died she Didn”t the other alcohol problem ended up taking his own life know I have a hoarder nice guy but that thing bugs me what to do. When the guys meet me they all say you are great because u had a great relationship and u are a positive person I am sacred to give my heart because of what happened and still love my everything what can I do
Stop seeing men for at least a year. Get into therapy. Go back to school and work on educating yourself and becoming independent. When your self esteem goes up to a normal level, you’ll stop selling yourself short. That is what you’re doing now. Selling yourself short. EDUCATE YOURSELF!
Read a George Anderson book ,I don’t remember the title, about crossed relatives. It could help you see that your Everything is still near you and loves you, and could apreciate a nice prayer to him from you wishing him luck and succseed in his new life. (in Heaven) I wish you luck in finding love again. And I agree about getting off the search and doing other things for yourself. It will just happen one day like any good thing does. When you aren’t even attuned.
I have been on the receiving end of all these actions for the past year of our almost 2 year relationship. I have tried everything to get her to stop accusing me of cheating and crying everyday because she thinks I’m cheating. She does’t remember that she wasthe aggressor when wwe met. I want someone to like me for me now want to change me and put me down at everything I do.howe ca I get her to understand Alfonso
Get out! Two years is a lot of time to deal with behavior like that and if she hasn’t responded to your requests to stop by now she is not going to. The problem lies with her if what you say is true and that her suspicions are unfounded. She needs professional help, and not from her boyfriend. Trust me that this issue will continue to wear at you and it will end badly one day. Get out now!
Been in a similiar type of relationship, constantly being put down & accused is just a front, she has got someone on the side, only justifying her actions by putting u down. That guy is lacking in the good qualities that u have, thats why she is still with you, Get out !
Please be not hasty. I’ve treated my spouse poorly for over half of a 13 year marrige. We’ve had good times and affection also. There is always a reason why people act the way they do. I had this phobia of people standing behind me that got in the way of nights in bed with my hubby. I got help for that about four months ago. Nights and other things have been great ever since. I never knew that I had been repetedly molested at the age of 3-4 till just 2 months ago. I was getting out of hand and I prayed for help. Well my step mother callout of the blue to reveal to me about this new info. I obviosly had blocked it out as a child. I was just going crazy and couldn’t take things with him over other issues. The first lousy solution was to split. But sticking to it and finding out how what is wrong and getting help is paying off. We need to turn more toward the lord. I’ve learned alot about how to treat my man better since he wasn’t the whole problem the whole time and didn’t deserve all the lashing out. He has been calling me Angel for the past week. So trying to treat him better is going very well. There are tips everywhere.
Your wife may need emotional reabilitaion. You poor thing. You know it takes two to fight so make sure you react appropiatly to her actions. Be in control of our emotions and purposefully avoid teasing or hurting her if you might know she will feel offended. See what you can do to mend the rough edges. Like on trees, prune out premature ways and nurture the relationship. Be persitstent care, and faithfully know that it will get fuller and blossom. P.S. Be mindful that life throws a monkey rench into things good that are on purpose. Once in a while but mostly right when things are going good.
I agree. Alfonso, Love is a choice of devotion, not just an emotional-high. If she does need help, and if you love her, then help her to find it. She might honestly not know where to turn (or call in someone she might trust better to encourage her in seeking help) – I’ve had my fair share of those issues, not to compare people or anything like that. It’s not any more healthy for her than it is for you, and it isn’t fair to you to try to be her only support; no one is their own island or steady fortress-in-a-storm. Best wishes for each of you in your decisions.
2 years is 2 years too long with this “prize!” Why are you waiting around in a sick relationship, hoping she will change? How do you expect her to do that without therapy ? She has very very low self esteem and always will. No matter wha you try to do to reassure her that you aren’t cheating, she will always think you are! Why? Because this has nothing to do with you ! She is all about herself and you aren’t in the picture at all ! She is vwry sick and selfish ! Get out now!
That insight’s prefcet for what I need. Thanks!
I have read the tit-bits about effective love. I wish I could receive more of that. Thank you.
Wow you guys are all retarded. Its blatantly obvious that you guys don’t have any perspective on men. I am a manly man and I can tell you that I want my woman on A CHAIN. I like it face down and ass up. And uneducated and restricted.
You are SERIOUSLY scared to DEATH aren’t you?!? With the attitude that you have towards women in general, you will NEVER have the MUTUAL love or understanding that is ESSENTIAL in having a RELATIONSHIP!! The other MEN are NOT the retarded ones…..all you seem to have, are CONQUESTS!! I pity you, I really DO- it is SO obvious that you are Socially inept, and VERY afraid of being thought of as FEMININE, which, no doubt, you are. Good luck to you, unless you do a MAJOR personal OVERHAUL, you are destined to live a meaningles, lonley life…until you catch up with the NORMAL members of society.
In the words of my Great, Great Grandfather, “It is better to remain silent and THOUGHT an idiot, than to open your mouth, and REMOVE ALL DOUBT!!!!
Sorry about your penis !!
Ihave read the tips wish all ladies read this Thanks.
I haven’t met a man yet that is capable of telling the truth. I know he is out there sonewhere. But, for now, as far as a man goes, they aren’t worth a crap. Always think they have to do or say anything just to get what they want, make promises that they can’t keep, say one thing and do another, take advantage of you, and so much more. I’ve heard every excuse under the sun and I’m sick and tired of it. MEN CANNOT BE TRUSTED!!!!
Unfortunately I agree. I was married and also had a relationship for 6 years with another so called gentleman. I changed myself and reflected on prior behavior. it was all in vain. They know I have a good heart and am willing to sacrifice anything for them. Self-centered selfish egotisticals. I too have no more trust after 35 years of trying. Friends tell me, you need a man. Why? I have learned to be independent and no longer have to suffer insults, hateful comments, nor abuse of any kind. Yes there are moments when it gets tough to be alone, but then I find other things to do. Get busy. Be happy doing what pleases you.
Over Thanksgiving I had a friend over for a couple of days; I cooked all his favorites, fed him like a king, wine, etc…on Thanksgiving day, I’m in the kitchen sweating like a pig trying to get all the food items done at the same time, where is he? in my sun porch on his phone, and I hear things like, “Christmas, no I’m booked,” I thought you were coming here?”, and some laughing, etc…I waited a respectful amount of time and then asked who he was talking to and he replies “my cousin in Bflo who has 4th stage cancer’…REALLY? I’m thinking, 4th stage cancer and she’s going to travel to Arizona to see you, and wants to spend Christmas with you? REALLY, I’M THINKING, DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING THIS TIME CAUSE WHAT’S THE POINT? MORE LIES, THATS WHAT…so I let it drop…but I won’t forget it, consequently I won’t be able to trust him which is unfortunate since we already paid for a trip to NYC in a few days, I’m still going, but it won’t feel the same…but I paid for 1/2 the trip so, why not??? I GUESS WE’LL JUST BE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS…no long term attachments…I thought I handled this pretty well, since I’m still burning from an EX who divorced me to marry his high school sweetheart 40 years later…TALK ABOUT A CHEAT…whew, this guy takes the cake…
To Mary who posted September 15th, aren’t you picking the men who aren’t capable of telling the truth? There are men who tell the truth, the kind you can trust, but you reject them because along with the truth also comes imperfection. You pick the more seemingly “perfect” man over the truthful imperfect man. Re-evaluate what makes you attracted to the men you pick.
I am a man in my early 30s. I have been rejected about 2,000 times in the last 15 or so years. About 1,800 of those were online dating rejections. I am honest, kind and caring (volunteer often), pleasant, very well read, have a doctorate in my field, good career, love my family, want to settle and want kids (I have a lot to teach them about the world). I am also shorter than average at 5’7″, balding, hairy, lean (not thin, rather with lean muscles which you get from moderate exercise instead of bulky muscles), agnostic and non-aggressive. I have had one relationship that lasted a year. Apart from that, I have had about 50 first dates. I have tried. My friends have tried to set me up too, and they tell me that most often the reasons I get rejected are that I am short, balding, “she wanted to feel protected in the arms of a big man”, not that good-looking, etc.
So, here’s the issue. If you pick the tall handsome good-looking man who has often got his way in life and has rarely encountered any difficulties in life, you pick the man who has never had the opportunity or the need to build his character. On the other hand, if you had picked a guy who has not had any physical advantages and had to work smart and work hard to prove himself, he will have a good sense of what life is about.
This is in response to MD…
Take care!! Becky
You are ABSOLUTLEY correct!! I have ONLY had long -lasting meaninful relationships in my life…WHY? Becuse I find that the MOST attractive attribute, to ME, is intelligence followed by a wonderful sense of humor!!
I was married for 18 yrs., to a wonderful man. He was a Dentist, whrn I met him; we married, and when our first born, was 6 weeks old, he wanted (and did) to go to Medical School. Since it is SO much more wonderful to be with someone that is HAPPY and SATISFIED, in their Occupation, I agreed.
Over the course of the next 10 yrs. he began to change. He became an Anesthesiologist, and, eventually, having literally controlled lives all day- he found it difficult, and then impossible, to separate his work attitude from the attitude that he USED to have at home. The CONTROL!! He RULED by INTIMIDATION!! It was an absolute nightmare! (Just as an example, he put locks on our Thermostats, when I was 8 mos. pregnant in July….)
I have always said that my absolutely WONDERFUL, perfect for ME, husband went to work one day…and NEVER came home. That’s what it felt like, and, after attending Marriage Councelling, ALONE, for 10 yrs., I asked for a Divorce. It was gutwrenching, and terribly painful- he had been my Knight in Shining Armor.
Why have I told you all of this? My wonderful, perfect “Knight”, was Skinny, balding, and THE hairiest person that I had EVER seen. He had a big Nose, and his Ears stuck straight out. He developed a pot belly, he was 10 yrs., my Senior. He had hunched shoulders…I could go on and on, but I wont. To ME- because he was SO funny, SO smart, and treated me (for the first 8 yrs. of our marriage) like a Princess, and his equal….we were partners in EVERY sense of the word. We were BEST friends and wonderful Traveling Companionsl I could, again, go on and on…but wont. NO ONE EVR understood what I saw in him….how sad. When we met- I was a Prof. Model in NYC and all over Europe. NONE of the “beautiful people” interested me, at ALL. I TRULY believed, and still DO- that TRUE beauty comes from the inside…..that we’d better HOPE tha we have something IN our insides, because ALL physical beauty fades…. Keep your chin up!! I KNOW that I CANNOT be the ONLY person that feels the way I do…..It will happen for you…just be patient, and- ABOVE ALL, be true to yourself, and KEEP BEING YOURSELF!! I have never again, met anyone that had his original attributes, and I MAY NEVER….but, for 16 of our 20 total years that we were together….I had HIM.
Wow..Im sorry to hear that is a problem…I am a woman who was has a genius level IQ,is kind,loving,nurturing,caring,and can leg wrestle to boot!! lol..I have a terrific career in medicine and a great teenage son. 2 years ago I was with a scottish immigrant truck driver who was 5’3″and not really a person who would win any beauty contests.I was desperately in love with him,but he left me as he knew my family would reject him as not good enough for me..he was correct.
I have been on all those first dates..I have been on dating websites..I have been heartbroken and left to wonder what was wrong with me.I met a man at a dance in April who is not someone I would have ever pegged as my type.We have been inseparable since.He is 5’7″..I am 5’6″.He is 120 pounds lighter than me..so yes,standing together we look like the number 10.I am a fairly attractive woman and he has severe acne scarring.I am a large woman with A.D.D. and he is a very slim man with A.D.H.D….we have a lot of differences but we are willing to overlook them,because we recognize that love is what matters most.He is usually with very petite women,I am usually with academics.Yesterday we put new stairs on my deck..he had to weld the pre-fab frame to make it fit.He helped my son drill and was very patient as we fumbled around to get our small piece of the job done.Afterward he bought supper for us,for doing so much for him!!
I am so glad that I gave this man a chance..I have never been so completely loved and well treated.Im also so glad that he gave me a chance..Im not his usual type of woman and we are so totally happy together.I absolutley agree with the previous writer..that to give someone a chance who is out of your usual preference range,may be the greatest gift you give yourself.
Fashions and trends change…but real working love lasts.
My husband is just like you 5’7″ lean balding and has character, honesty, and good morals. I do wish sometimes he were taller and I could feel protected. But I wonder if his spiritual body is larger and quite beutiful to match his persona. There have been some really tall boys Ive known in mens bodies. Anyhow I agree with you, that Mary might be attracting the kind of guys that are dishonest. More I believe people do things over and over till they get it what ever it is that they are supposed to learn out of the situation. that she needs to get over a stigma she has in men/life.
Hi MD, i’m so sorry for you that such a n intellectual person, its difficult for you.. and girls nowadays are onbly looking on the outer part of the person..
Hey Big McLarge Huge – (i.e. small, not so huge…) in the next life – don’t bother. In this life – talk less, pay attention more. You are missing it – in a HUGE, McLarge way
Smooch.
I’m pretty sure that McLarge comment was supposed to be funny. Frankly, some of it is, but the style needs work for it to fly in Peoria. If a further two cents is appreciated, then I’ll also point out that it seems rather reactive for you to have responded in such a manner to such fairly obvious attempt at humor. Next time, don’t bite. Just fail to laugh at the bad joke and move on.
Well i can say that i do get mad over small things but i let him know and sometimes he see things from my point of view and most of the times either he apologizes or i do or we both do but i guess thats just my attitude but im willing to change my ways for him and tend to look over the stupid things that isnt worth getting mad what you guys think?
Maybe Rebecca Bayless and MD should hook up, it seems like you two would hit it off. But back to the topic at hand, this article is very true. I agree that those thing will run a man off. I have been with my partner for 9yrs off and on. During the rough times I remember that I was guilty of breaking almost every rule on the list, but now I live life with the understanding that what is for me, is for me and no one can take it from me. I dont have to try to contain him, if he wants to be there he will be, if he doesnt want to be there he wont. Now he clings to me. Live, laugh, love. Enjoy the good times, enjoy each others company, be his lover and friend so if the day ever came that you were no longer together he will always remember you as the one that got away. I take comfort in knowing that and it has changed our relationship for the better.
i think you gotta a pointy u say you “don;t have to contain him,if he wants to be there he wiill be”.thats true even the bible says”they left bcoz they were not for us,for they have been for us they could have continued with us”.personally i believe that sometimes we have to let it go…av gone thru alot in my previous relationships bcoz i have the attitude of feeling that am better than mi guy(s) i jst have my own pride.have u seen feeling lyk you are on top of earth while you are down but now i know what it takes..
I am guilty of all of the above except the having to be totally dependant! I wasn’t like any of the descriptions above until I met a man and had a friendship, friendship went to us having now two kids. We have been together for 5yrs or were together up until recently. I gave him my all and showed him just how a man whom you say you love, is suppose to be treated. Of course he broke my heart not 3 but 4 times and I continued to stay but I noticed that I became all of the above because I should’ve just left but I didn’t… He has for 2yrs tried to show me that he really appreciates me and apologized every day of the hour, so he says… While he was doing this i was just bitter and hurt and just couldn’t open myself up like i once did. Our kids are 4 and 9mths!! I went to counseling and started doing things that helped me to gain my security and my worth back within myself.. Now he says that it is too late for me with him but then he would change his mind, so of course I tried.. Now that I’m back on track, he gets easily frustrated and furious with me and now just makes me feel stupid for even still wanting to be around him… Advice please!!!!!!!
You have done all the possible relationship trials good & bad together already. I’ll bet money on the distance you make from him being the final determiner to the staying power it would bring your family. Meaning, if you can afford to move far away, see what the miles do to your passion. Some men straighten up and appreciate us women so much more when we are just GONE away. I did so much better with my husband when he worked 3 hours away from home than when we were working together in construction every day. He lost interest in me when I was too available to his every need at work and home. He told me to “get out” and I did but then he was really angry about it and went immature, gave away my things and stole the rest. He always was jealous of me & my friends and a petty thief anyway, who needs to live with an abusive mate who drinks and parties? Now I am in a much more passionate relationship that brings me something to look forward to everyday. I never know what excitement is coming up next and he encourages me and speaks well of me to others! I just need to work on my own feelings of not being scared to be alone. I love to be with a man so much that I cannot really picture myself living single for more than a few weeks. I look for an exciting artistic eccentric man at all times. I stay true to the one I am with though. I want to get married again and he knows it but he doesn’t feel accomplished enough yet. I think your husband is trying his best to tell you to make distance. He just cannot see himself in the mirror with you and the children right there with him. Men have all these feelings inside to deal with. Give your marriage a new twist and I hope the best love finds you again!
Broken, From the sounds of it you need a strong partner more than ever. Two kids and a difficult marriage put you in a place that is very vulnerable and in need of help. Help may not come from your husband and may come from the many people around you. You need to realize you still will decide your role in this imperfect relationship. It does not sound like he has given up on a good relationship with you and the same can be said of you.
The decision to stay with an imperfect partner does not mean you don’t deserve better. It does mean there will be hard work and sacrifice to get to a relationship that is happy. Are you prepared to invest in this person? While you may have sometime to contemplate my question there will eventually be negative outcomes to waiting to commit to the work. Accomplishment does not come from half committed goals or relationships.
There is irony that you need a strong partner and your partner seems emotionally weak towards his resolve and commitment to you. This relationship is like hunger during a famine caused by drought. As a father of five and committed husband of almost two decades, the question you ask must recognize personal commitment relies upon your choice.
1. Stay – continue to cultivate, water, and fight pests attacking a crop that may wilt in the field should the relief of rain not quench the dust of the fields.
2. Leave – hope there is a land where you can cultivate food knowing the work would require finding new ground and waiting for spring and the next growing season (a spring that will still require hard work and commitment). Kids will dependant upon you with ever growing pains of hunger (desire for love) until a new harvest day arrives.
A post here cannot give absolute advice and only you can decide what will be best plan forward knowing the energy you must put into it. Your own well being and the children now dependent upon your personal commitment. I can only reassure you that you do have great strength and character based on the sincerity of your plea. Asking for advice says a great deal about you. It tells me you are doing what life takes to find …..
Know you make the difference and many people love you!
I’m 57, male, divorced and most likely will never remarry for fear of causing the persistent pain and living through the ego eroding process. I say this only to emphasize that my agenda is simply to help (and Hope) others can learn from my mistakes.
The Ten Points above are spot on and reading them makes me wonder if the author is really a woman (just kidding). A woman need only practice one or two of these well and the end result is a foregone conclusion. It doesn’t matter how good you are in bed, how much money you have or how you look; we will run far and fast, sooner or later.
We (men) are truly simple creatures compared to women and your subtle attempts at communication are often not heard. Love us quietly and trust; we will come home. If not, what have you really lost?
Richard
I have followed the above 10 rules and can’t seem to meet anyone that this doesn’t make them paranoid that Im out to “trap” them. In their presence, it feels wonderful, but as we take time for ourselves, to keep space and individuality, days go by without communication. Three relationships over the last 5 years has always turned to I love you but not in love with you. It feels like they fear me, ? too good to be true. And if I hear, you’re too nice, Im going to be the “B”! They seem to get the great guys!
This has helped me greatly actually. I really think I have found Mr. Right I just have a nasty habit of doing almost all of these at one point or another. I was looking at the comment that Zoie made and it’s very true. If they want to be there they will be, otherwise they wont. I really need to enjoy more of the relationship and stop worring so much about where he is what he is doing. I have a really hard time being away from him, but he made a comment awhile back that I’m not sure even to this day if I know exactly what he was talking about. I do know that I’ve been through so many relationships and they ALL have ended and I THOUGHT he was the “one.” I beginning to notice that there’s issues that I really have any need to deal with…I frankly can’t wait to deal with them that way I can move on and be the one that he can’t live without!
The woman that he misses, loves, respects, and sees himself next to old sitting in a rocking chair holding hands!
This is mostly BS for me as a man. I love clingy and possesive women, is shows affection and how much they care. When I love someone, I can never get enough. Most men and woman have never experienced or want to experience this much closesness because when they were kids they got treated too indepedently. We are all just products of how we were raised. These 2 qualities are a total turn on for me. I guess I’m saying these 10 mistakes are only mistakes to some but not all.
Unfortunately I am guilty of 8 out of the 10 mistakes. My biggest problem was number 3-taking him for granted. I used to always think and sometimes verbalize, “he isn’t going anywhere” because he loved me so much and put up with my foolish behavior. Until one day his patience ran out and he broke up with me. All the things I did in the course of my 1 year relationship, I look back on them now and think, I really have some serious issues. Granted he did things that used to push my buttons, but overall he was the best boyfriend I ever had. Now I’m trying to work on me and find out ways to correct my issues. I still miss him and hope one day we can be friends or try again later.
Your tesmony impressed me so much…oh no hun,,you inspired me to this words.acctually im on a long 6 years relationship at now w/ my bf or we can call ho\im my living partner at now.But untill now he is trying to understand every little thing of selfishness that im having,& as i’ve read this ,it made me open up my mind for my mistakes.acctually, i am a divorced woman w/ 4 kids when i meet him before & we got be friends that time..untill we been felt inloved w/each other for almost being his bestfriend for that long 4 years before we get to decided to live together w/ my kids.im having now 2 highschool daugther’s & 2 elementary kid’s at the age of 40.He is very responsible kind & caring to me & to my kid’s..though my kid’s are not his own children,& im very thankful to this.I begun to love him for all this year’s,but the only problem his former wife,they got seperated life since we’ve meet before & became friend’s…but the coz of always getting me mad about him is that ,he’s wife dosn’t want to sign the divorced paper that he had applied & sent to her.she wants big money to pay her to sign for it, but I know my man doesn’t have enough to give her,coz even the home expenses we’ve alway’s shared to work together to finance our daily living,i dont want him to spend a lots fof money for me & to my kid’s thats why im also working as a care giver here in our place in the nearest hospital.The only problem is now is me…though i know he cant make to made her wife to sign up for a divorced, that was been ok for me through all this year’s untill onday,that lady(The wife ) had call him to borrow some money from him.And this is the Day when i’ve started to be more possisived in him.But i know his is trying his best to get back the real understanding & loving me before,,,but im getting more mad everyday & compromised him every little thing that he has done,though his doing right & i know it,but hard for me to acept & agree the things that he used to share on me.I kow he is doing his best to get me back,& im trying to …w/out his knowledge.I really love him so though he has nothing in life except those love that he is showned to me & to my kid’s.My kid’s love’s him also so much just like their own father or i can say more than their own daddy.And as i came to open this site & read them …everybody was having a wonderful sharing of thoughts & thank you for making me woke up for a long sleep..maybe this is a time now to face a new life together w/ him & going to change my selfish mood…coz i want to do this before im going to regret of loosing him completely in our life.Thank’s & goodluck too in life..more power & always God bless!
I wished I had known this before I ended my relationship with probably the BEST guy out there for me! Sooo wished I hadn’t done that now.
This is a very true article and I agree with almost all of it. Except for the last part, be a good woman for yourself and your man, but do not change who YOU are!
I don’t believe this love of a thing exists because i have tried all the above tips yet none is working out. i have always ended up heart-broken. i decided not to get involved in any relationship again.
im guilty of all 10 =(
I have been in a loving and comitted relashonship with my husbend for the past 4 years mared 4 years dating and have a butiful 3 year old.In the begening he was pufict inteligent funny and he was ok looking. Up untill a year ago he was eveything i had ever dreamd of having then he started to get distent so i tryed to spice things up in ower relashonship but the he started not coming home at all,now i have seen my husbend 1 in the past 2 weeks. I have tryed everything to get him to help me understand what hes going throw but its just pulling us apart what shuold i do????????
I have been in a loving and comitted relashonship with my husbend for the past 8 years with a butiful 3 year old. Up untill a year ago he was everything i ever wanted in a man inteigent funny a sicsefull and confidint man in evrything he did.then he started to get distint iv tryed everything i can think of and it just semes to push him away.Now i have seen my husbend 1 in the past 2 weeks i dont know what to do anymore if anyone has advice please i need it.
Guilty of number 1 & 9:/ I check my hubby’s email/phone sometimes, but that’s because i have found him chatting with his ex girlfriend in the past. what should i do?
I have been married for eight years now. I agree with most of these recommendations. To live with someone you really need to make them feel comfortable and free. Being possessive, controlling critical etc kills that comfort and freedom. I do take issue with number nine however. I think it depends entirely on the couples personalities if they like what sounds to me like you are describing banter. I hate banter. Before my husband I dated guys who liked the sarcastic joke at my expense or would poke fun at me in the name of “joking around”. I wasn’t having it. These guys were on the reject list very fast. My husband gained major favor in my eyes when I realized he wasn’t the type to want this kind of “joking around”. I don’t do it to him either. What can I say, you have to find out who you are compatible with, if you hate banter like I do you don’t have to choose him, as the saying goes there are plenty of fish in the sea.
This was a good article and I enjoyed reading many people’s other comments also. I have mainly had trouble with #9, getting angry at the small stuff. My husband sometimes acts like a big brother and loves to tease and joke and sometimes it annoys me and I get angry. This article helped b/c it is so right, that is mens way of flirting. It will help me remember for future, and not get angry; just tease him back. I also wanted to tell any other women having problems/can’t find a good man to just hang in there. I met my husband when I was 25 and he 35. We had both given up on finding “the one”. We have the greatest relationship that I thought it would be impossible to find. He is the manly kind of man, but also sensitive, supportive, communicative, loving…I could go on and on. I don’t sweat the small stuff like him leaving dirty socks around the house; he is the soul bread-winner for us while I get to stay home and take care of the house and our small business book-keeping. For me to get to stay home, it seems silly to complain about something so stupid. I gotta say when it comes to finding a good man, find one that has similar interests as you. My husband and I have so much in common, besides him being a hunter/fisherman, which I am not! But having similar interests allows us to have so much to talk about. Sometimes we can just talk for hours and hours. Also, good communication. We can talk about ANYTHING. He is super-sweet and always does unexpected things, like a sweet card or flowers or a dvd I had been wanting. It is also important to keep the romance alive. Don’t dress slouchy ALL the time; guys are visual. So make sure you dress nice/sexy and fix your hair. Still go on dates like your still dating, hold hands. We always sit on the SAME side of the booth in a restaurant, it’s much more intimate. And also keep the sexual side of the relationship alive. And men DO like it when a woman initiates and not just him all the time! (I have a friend where her and her husband has not had sex in OVER a year! And they’re young! DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!) And as I said before, my husband is MANLY. I recommend this over the now-days wimpy city boys who know absolutely NOTHING on how to even change the oil on his car, for example. It’s important, at least in my opinion, that a man has this type of manly skills! My husband changes the oil on my car, maintenances his work truck, chops wood, and can fix just about anything around the house that goes wrong. Ever hear of the phrase where a man says “I wear the pants”? Well, my husband likes to say instead, “I wear the pants, but you help me put on the pants!” I hope my comments have helped. Thanks for reading!
Could you please send a copy of this to my email. I would love to forward it to someone I know. There wasn’t any way to forward it on.
It was a great article about Men being different from women and how men would like women to act. I loved it. I am 60 and just learning that men and women are so different.
Please do more articles about these type of relationships and maybe another good one would be disciplining children.
Thanks so much.
Please send me a copy of this article to my email.
I met a guy on facebook,we fell in love due to the way he talks to me. We later met nd started building up something strong. He was 11 yrs older,while am 20. We met early July 2011. The most painf ul part is dat he doesnt even trust,he always nag nd he gets upset at every little thing. He tels me what to wear and the things to. When any oda guy says i luv u to me he gets mad, even whn he kws i aint cheating. As am talking to u nw,he looks lyk a total stranger to me. Am loosing my mind. I nid advice on what to do..
As a guy who’s had a few relationships go wonky for reasons other-than-those-listed-above, I feel the need to respond to one of your points: # 10, in particular— I can appreciate a woman who is fully capable but it’s always nice to be needed every once in a while… You know, “Honey, can you get this pickle jar open?” just makes a man (me, anyway,) feel necessary. (LOL)
I am a gentleman (47, 5’7″) who has always, luckily, had pretty great relationships with wonderful women and am still on great terms with all-but one of my exes. My current Love is very considerate and gives me all the space one could want. And the neat thing about her is that she is always there when I need her. And IF we should ever begin to take the other for granted, well, it seems that we just need to call the other on the phone and hearing the other’s voice rekindles the love and desire for the other. We tend to know how the other is feeling, even without words. But that still doesn’t stop us from conversing.
We have become best friends and I can’t imagine my Life w/out her.
In reading this, I was thinking about a few things.
1) A lot of us women have gone on and on about how we’re guilty of all 10 of these mistakes.
2) That’s what they are: mistakes. It’s not the “end of the world” of a good relationship just because of a few or several mistakes.
If we’re going to maintain this mentality that we’re all failures, our relationships aren’t going to go anywhere towards mutual happiness. Admitting fault online and not to the people we’re truly involved with isn’t going to help us.
3) This article, however direct and to-the-point, looks like it was written by a man. It’s one-sided. I’ll say this, and I do not believe this to be the intention of the author… It takes two. Most of my best-friend chikas have had the focus of failure thrown onto their shoulders. They were made to feel like failures and completely stupid when they were the ones being used and abused. They loved the persons they were in relationships with, and were mentally abused and used for meeting the guys’ survival needs (transportation, roof over their heads, helping with finances). It was one-sided. Now, I will say to women who tend to take too much fault upon themselves (I’m one of them too): In any healthy relationship, the mistakes and fault-admittance will always have a level of mutuality. It will not just be “I’m sorry” over and over. There will be plans discussed and put into effect by both people in the relationship to not make constant repetitions of those mistakes and there will be willing support and patience from the other person.
I know that so many of us are dispairing of finding a good person. But this must be remembered first: Those who are emotionally, mentally, and psychologically able to maintain a healthy, responsible, and committed relationship with another person will first seek to find their place in a committed relationship to God. It is the first, and foundation of all relationships a person has – before we are in good relationship with others, we have to be in good relationship to ourselves. Before we are in good relationship to ourselves, we will find healthy and solid levels of our self-worth and self-respect from the relationship we have toward God. He created us because He loves us. He loves our body, our soul, our heart, and our mind, all of us so much that He came and walked among our species, and taught us what it means to live, what it means to suffer, and what it means to love. We’ll find our hope solidified only in Him, because He is the “Source” of our entire existence (not just our mortality). My best wishes for our healing peace and happiness, individually and communally. Both are simple gifts and not things we can force for ourselves.
yes it is true…..the best thing that u can give ur bf or husband if TRUST, PATIENCE, HONEST…..
HAVE A NICE DAY TO ALL…
I am so glad i came across this article.God bless you all for your beautiful contributions.I am 29yrs old and have had lots 0f heartbreaks.I have had no stable relationship.The longest which lasted 3yrs,packed up in April.I have met and chat on social network with men,but most times nothing positive comes out of it.The few i have met one on one just turn up to be interested in wanting sex right from the first day.Right now i am so confused.I have been asking myself where i have gone wrong.Can i ever meet someone who will be genuinely be interested in me and possibly start a relationship that will lead to marriage?Please i need your advice.Am i really alright?
Darling,Please read “Why men marry bitches” in stands for being in total control of herself…you will never have any problems if you follow the advise and really..you will find your soul mate. I’ll pray for you…take care..
Ps/Remember the old fashioned advise..men are the chasers..the hunters..let them hunt you down, they you will catch them!!!
Alexandra,
Of course you are alright? PLEASE don’t give up trying to find ‘the one’. He really is out there, I promise. Like you, I have dealt with heartache. I had relationships where it seemed that EVERY single guy left ME, not the other way around. I kept asking myself, what am I doing wrong? What’s wrong with me? I was blaming myself…but finally I saw the light and got my self esteem back and stopped blaming myself. I am not saying that I am perfect, but the relationships ending wasn’t really my fault. Even my husband, who we’ve been married 3 yrs. now agrees. He sees me as giving, nurturing, and thinks that when the time comes I will make a great mother. What was wrong in those relationships was the fact that they were not my type, really, I was just in the relationships to not be alone. Also, my main goal was to eventually get married, and none of those other guys wanted this. They kept me around until they started seeing it becoming too serious and then cut me loose. Guys like this are jerks. They make you feel like the relationship is leading somewhere, where all along that is NOT what they want. So keep the faith. There are guys like my husband out there who are looking for the same thing in a relationship you are. I have noticed that it is easier to find an older guy. My husband is 10 yrs. older than me, and since women mature faster, usually, now we are at a point where we both want the same things out of life. I hope my response helped somewhat. Just hang in there, all hope is not lost!
hello alexandra…
OMG! now i know u have a lots of ideas about Relationship.. how many times you broken hearted? god….but don’t give up alex, time will come for you, i know god always watching you and guide you..
don’t give up alex, always prayed to the lord, and one day you’ll find a mr. right guy for you…
for me how many times i am broken hearted too, sometimes given up also, and always asking to god, why i am like this always broken hearted,,,im always wanting a good guy and whos loving me so much till this year i meet HIM, and i’m fallin in love with him now…but in 5 months relationship full of lies he’s not honest to me…then one day i find the way, he’s cheated to me. he has a lot of gfs b4 and now,..i don’t know what to do…
but i am still fallin in love with HIm, i forgive him and he said i am the one woman in his heart and mind…so decide to accept him again, coz im fallin in love with him so much…..
an he love’s me too so much,…now i am happy being together in lvoe to each other…but i am afraid if his lied on or his telling me the truth….
alex don’t lose or hope always prayed to god…and one day you’ve found a mister right guy for you….
thank you so much for sharing your thought and ideas….
do u have a facebook? can i add you?..
thanks again….
godbless you always…
hello alexandra…
OMG! now i know u have a lots of ideas about Relationship.. how many times you broken hearted? god….but don’t give up alex, time will come for you, i know god always watching you and guide you..
don’t give up alex, always prayed to the lord, and one day you’ll find a mr. right guy for you…
alex don’t lose or hope always prayed to god…and one day you’ve found a mister right guy for you….
thank you so much for sharing your thought and ideas….
do u have a facebook? can i add you?..
thanks again….
godbless you always…
Ladies..please,please read “Why men marry bitches”, (I did in 4 days)the “bitch” means: “being in total control of herself” this is so true girlfriends. A Real genuine good man wants a self confident women with her own goals, money and life style, not some wimmpy wet noodle..it will be the best spent money plus old fashioned advise for these modern times.I followed this “rule” b 4 the book even came out..believe me it works..Smart women finish with a good Man..
As a man I can agree with all of the list, most of all #10, yes we are hunters by natuer, but we don’t hunt for the weekst women out there, Show pride and strength (withought being a bitch). yes we need to feal needed but not all the time, that just anoys us.
I am 29 stand 6.2 and weigh in at 179, due to constant lifting at work i can lift 238lbs, but i don’t look it. Unfortunently moste women around my age only look at what is on the outside and then later complain to there friends that there prity boy is a jackass, No ofence ladies but if you get hooked on that hot guy because of looks, 10-1 odds say your not the first he’s goten that way, and you wont be the last. Flesh is just that, start looking deeper then that, as for Big McLarge Huge, man do I feal sory for you, Life and love is about alot more then shit like that, soon one day you will be alone realising that fact.
Srry for the speling I just got off a 16hr shift
THIS IS AN EYE OPENER
I’m sooo guilty of #9. We are newly married and he is always teasing me by distracting me when I’m busy. When I try and cook, do my nails, clean..whatever…He just can’t stop nibbling my ear, slapping my behind, suprise attacking me from the back….Sigh..I have never lived with anyone that I’ve been in a relationship with for extended periods of time and this is taking some getting used to. I guess I have many things to be thankful for since I know he loves me and this is why he can’t keep his hands off me. I got mad at him because he pulled my ear while I was filling out paperwork lastnight, pushed him so hard and then went to bed mad. Now I’m on the sofa all by myself
I was guilty of #3, because at the time I was being told to let down my guard, be open and trust more after a previous relationship led me to building up walls. Well the person I let the walls down for has proven to be untrustworthy and a huge manipulator and liar. He kept asking why I trusted him so much cause he is out in the club scene alot, and after all the stories he’d told me about past girlfriends and current girl friends, and I told him I believed what he said. I’ve never been the jealous type, and I prefer to let a man do what he needs to do. If you tell me you are working late, then I believe you are working let, no questions. Until my instincts tell me otherwise. When my spidey sense goes off, I will ask questions and if you say no, then I will believe you as the truth will come out eventually. Needless to say, it did. I am a full time student who was laid off and is in an extreme financial bind, so when he said he would help me out I listened (#10 sort of) and went along with it. In the past 5 months (relationship started in May- on “dooms day”) he hasn’t given me a dime though he has been staying in my apartment, driving my car and placed over 15,000 miles over a couple of months, would constantly bring the car back with no gas even though he got the car with gas in it, eating my food and just continued to leave me feeling used. I definitely found it strange when a grown man couldn’t even purchase his own deodorant, but claimed to have so much money. I found raunchy pictures of girls and pictures he sent, messages telling them he loved them (just as he told me he loved me, that he misses them and cant wait to “be” with them, that he was driving his “cousin” car, how he couldnt wait to make love to them, etc. When I have asked him directly he says his friend uses the phone, or he will just lie and denie. We are now broken up, but how do I trust the next guy? Im really trying not to turn into a spiteful b#@&! and let it go with God. Right now I feel like if I heard “I love You” from a man I would laugh in his face (my last relationship I was told he loved me but continued to disrespect me). I feel like a fool for trusting him, and even more foolish for hoping again.
I made a huge mistake by moving in with my boyfriend. He is 14 years older than me. He is going through a divorce and give his wife about three thousand a month. He has grown children that don’t speak to him because of the Divorce, but his wife talks to him a few times a month. I’m divorced, my daughter is 18 and lives with us, but she was very reluctant at first because she didn’t know him. She found him annoying at first, now I just think she is getting used to him for the sake of me.
OK so here is my problem, I realized that I can’t live with him. He constantly sticks his foot in his mouth,I constantly have to monitor what he says so I can smooth over a comment that someone might wanna tell him off about.He is horrible with managing money. He leaves every light on in the house every day, all day, my light bill is ridiculous. I feel like I’m his mom and I hate it. I have to tell him things that he is clueless about. He doesn’t seem like the guy I dated!!!
Today is Thanksgiving we have been living together since June 1st. We are not speaking to each other. I made a big mistake living with him, it was so much easier and much more enjoyable when we lived in our separate homes. I don’t know what to do we have gone to counseling about a few issues, I really like the Therapist he is awesome. I want my independent life back!!
Ladies just take it easy, thank God all the time that you are healthy and enjoy your day and don’t nag too much and take care of your man.
I just wanna say – dont give up.
I did, i had been alone for 4yrs and when i say alone i mean i wasnt even interested in the bedroom play. I’d been so messed over by the wrong guys and i’ve spent the last year really working on making me better in so many ways.
And along came my Mr.Right, its funny, we both tried really hard to resist each other because of our pasts with other people. He isnt perfect on the outside, but neither am i. Hes got that tall protective quality all of us women love and a handsome face, but he is balding something terrible and developing a little belly, but he is ABSOLUTELY beautiful in my eyes.
He works on our relationship, we do have a lot in common, but also things we disagree on, but we try to meet in the middle and that makes us stronger together.
I have to say as well that we may not have all in common and ladies – you need to realize you aren’t supposed to. Love is a balance and your faults and positives should balance one another. I have finally found my balance.
God bless the day this man and i found each other by accident and that fate wouldnt let us not be together. Its so nice to have someone after 4yrs of solitude, and someone who is more wonderful to me than any Mr.Perfect i ever dreamed of before.
Im tellin you, if hes not pretty on the outside at the get, give him a chance, you just might find yourself unable to keep your hands off of him later.
Trust me, i am so much happier than i ever thought i could be, and those wrenches that get thrown in at us just make us stronger together because we work on it together, and i’ll admit he deserves most of the credit on that one. And ill tell you what else, i would love him still if he blew up like an elephant and lost all the hair on his body but in his ears. His soul truly fell from heaven and i really do thank god everyday i have his hand to hold.
I pray all of you out there get to find your Mr.Right who can be your balance, but remember it takes two and that self worth thing is very important, love yourself and you will find that your perfect love comes along then.
I’ve been very unlucky in my relationships. i finally met a guy n we decided to build a relationship. we’ve been dating for 5months now and i don’t love him but he’s madly in love with me. says he wants to marry me.Problem is he doesnt have the kind of physique i look out for in a man and he nags too much. i’m confused because he appears to be the only guy that genuinely loves me now. what do i do?