Signs To Watch Out For In A Toxic Relationship
Since toxic relationships are so bad, what can you do to ensure that you stay out of one? What signs should you be looking for? Are there any signs that will tell you a relationship is toxic? While there is no easy way to identify the chances of a toxic relationship before you get into one, you do have at least 13 signs to know if you are in one currently. What are they?
- First, your significant other puts you down either in public or private.
- Second, your significant other doesn’t allow you to hang out with friends or family.
- Third, your significant other is calling you non-stop to see what you are doing or who you are with; this happens even when you are working.
- Fourth, your significant other doesn’t value any of your opinions even if the reasoning for them are important.
- Fifth, you have changed who you are just to please your significant other.
- Sixth, your significant other puts down for how you look or act, all in the goal to make you feel unattractive and unintelligent.
- Seventh, your significant other is overly jealous and always accuses you of cheating on him/her.
- Eighth, your significant other has a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality; one minute he/she is very loving and sweet, the next minute they are overly mean and violent.
- Ninth, your significant other has total control over your life and money, leaving you entirely dependent on him/her.
- Tenth, your significant other will only go where he/she desires to go and doesn’t care to go where you would like to.
- Eleventh, your significant other claims he/she loves you but doesn’t act like it.
- Twelfth, your significant other always makes you feel afraid for your life.
- Thirteenth, you can’t remember a time you felt happy when you were with your significant other.
Get Out Of Toxic Relationships By Seeking Help
It’s important to remember that no matter how much you love a person, toxic relationships are bad for all involved. It’s highly unlikely you will know about your significant other’s dark side beforehand; however, once you know about them, you need to get out of the relationship right away. This is when you need to speak with someone you trust such as a family member, church member, social worker, etc.; anyone you believe can help you escape the relationship.
Do whatever you can to get out of those toxic relationships and don’t ever think you can change a person after you left them because chances are they won’t change. For that reason, you should never, ever, try to get your ex back. However, if you and your partner are willing to make a change, then consider trying to work it out. Just bear in mind that many times people change for a short while only to go back to the way they were before, which means you’re right back in the same position you once were.
I had experienced about six of those. My ex went out there and started uisng drugs and screwig I caught her with two guys and told her we were done. Three months later she busted down my hotel door on cocaine and drunk. We got back together and it lasted 5 months. SHe came home after sleeping with a guy. I said whoever you were with go back to them, but I should have gotten custody of the kids and let her go. She shacked and married a drunk who drank 3 half gallons a week. She loved the fighting drunk drama. Women who are on drugs and drink and screw anything there are too many things there to correct. You can screw for free and if you both agree just go out and screw what you want, but drugs means she worked all week and snorted all her money. So it was just too many problems. She loved drama and with me there was peace and quiet when she got home. Also, when they are like this the dirtball she gets hooked up with you will have to deal with him. So just go with the agreement the kids only have to be dropped off and no other contact needs to be made. Because it will never end.
My current bf is jelous and hates my 90% of my friends and shows a couple of the other signs on here XD I know its completely serious but I kinda find it funny and tease him all the time that he would be considered an “abusive boyfriend”
Although I will admit if you are afraid for your life or you are being physical abused and you dont like it, dont put up with it. It may not seem like it but you CAN get on without them.
Personally I think they should flip the list, by making the less scary stuff number 1 it creates the feeling of Oh no my boyfriends abusive! and then you get to the bottom of the list and its like Oh wait no he’s not that bad so I dont have to worry <.< probably not very helpful…
It won’t be funny when he’s an abusive husband, and you won’t be teasing when you tell him the behavior is abusive. Loved when my ex would tell me “You make me…..” So sorry I took so long to wise up, and so very very sorry I put my kids through so many years of his sh## Verbal abuse may seem benign, but over time it eats away at your very core. NOT WORTH PUTTING UP WITH IT! There’s no reason to stay with someone who hates ll your family, and is jelous…it doesn’t get better with time.
An Abusive boyfriend/spouse is not a laughing matter. Anyone who has the ill fate of enduring the pain that such a person causes repeatedly for any length of time knows this. If you are just dating such a person run leave now while you still can. Don’t waste another minute of your time with this ungrateful person. If you marry this person and have children with this person you can be stuck for many years because you begin to believe their lies and threats. And now you have children that pay the price as well at the hands of the abusive person. Don’t think it is going to just stop at you because it won’t. Your children will endure the pain you have for so many yrs. These type of people never change no matter how many times they say that it will never happen again and they are so sorry.”Please if you will just come back I’ll never do it agian.” Only to do it again and this time worse than before. besause this will teach you not to leave. So think about this as you tease about him being considered an abusive boyfriend. Take care of yourself and luv yourself so someone worthsomething will luv you.
My current boyfriend I’ve been with for nine months. We usually do pretty well. The issue with him is that he is bipolar beyond belief. One minute he’s holding my hand kissing me and telling me he wants to marry me and the next he is saying how lucky I am that he hasn’t left me yet. For the past four months, he has been out of work. For those four months I suported him, payed for his food, his clothes, his cigarettes and all the gas in my car that he drives around and wastes. For all that time he sat there and expressed how “terrible” he felt for me having to do all these things for him. Yet, he never once said thank you, never once made me feel loved and appreciated. Even now that he has a new job, I feel as though he is using me for my car, my money and the sex. It’s a really aweful place to be in and I wouldn’t wish the feeling I have on any person. I am hurting every day and I feel like crying every minute I’m with him and every minute I’m without him. Maybe it makes me stupid, maybe it makes me naive but I’m holding out hope that he will grow up soon. It’s not the smartest move and I haven’t been happy for several months now. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve left him once and he took me in his room and had me sit on the bed and we sat there for three hours crying with him telling me that I couldn’t leave him and that he loved me too much. I have a piece of advice for all the men and women out there in toxic relationships today. It’s not worth the pain. It’s not worth what they put you through. When you value an emotion for someone else over your own mental and physical health, you need to rearrange your priorities and get out of fantasy land. God knows thats what I’m going to do. Good luck everyone.
Have you done it? Are you now happy? Have you got away from him, or are you still together? It is possible to grow up ten years over two minutes, but not everyone is that willing or lucky.
Its been two months now; has yor situation improved any? I do hope so.
Being used “for goods and services” is just an awful thing. If you have not been happy, then move on please. The pain will go away eventually. Happiness will return to your life. You seem a nice and beautiful person, don’t throw away your existance over a might be fling.
Best wishes.
Honey…please…don’t put yourself through this. I just RECENTLY…not even two months ago, broke up with my ex of 1.5 years. He was and is the epitome of TOXICITY. Controlling. Manipulative. Girl let me tell you, there were days I’d be driving along to work or wherever and I’d break down sobbing – for no reason other than the fact that I was severely depressed because of this guy. He was a former drug addict (and went to prison for almost 4 years because of selling drug). Hooked on meth and heroin from the time he was 15 to 27 (when he got busted). So there is no doubt in my mind that his behavioral issues stemmed from his many years of drug abuse. Meth combined with heroin (and who knows what else he used that he didn’t tell me about) – other days his choice of food was straight vodka with a cigarette. So you can imagine the abuse his body has taken. His kidneys are ruined (he now has chronic kidney disease and he’s ONLY 33), he lost his top teeth (has dentures) and his bottom teeth are ruined. He has hypertension, high blood pressure…at one time he was only given 6 months to live. He came to church…started doing “good” for himself (I say “good” because I think it was just a temporary fix…a leopard cant changes its spots) but then, about a couple months into the relationship, he started changing. His true colors started to bleed through at lightning speed. He’d blow a gasket over the most trifling of issues (i.e. and this will make you laugh. He was eating pasta with spaghetti sauce and dropped a teeny weenie spot of sauce..like a pin-head size, on his white dress shirt. I told him “oops..you dropped a little bit of sauce on your shirt”. He exploded and ripped his shirt of..partially tearing the button off . Yeah. He ripped his shirt off because he dropped a tiny, barely there, bit of sauce.. Another time he dropped a cup of milk…and he exploded and stormed out of the room. I told him “babe..it’s just milk” (and of course I was the one to clean it up).)
So little things like that, him telling me he didn’t like me to wear high heels because he said my attitude changed…that it was better if I was barefoot or in tennis shoes or flat shoes because I was more humble and sweet. WEIRD RIGHT?! I wear heels every day..but they’re conservative heels (not street walker heels, if you know what I mean). He pick and pick at different things about me..the way I walked, the way I wore my hair, the way I cooked (and I’m a fabulous cook, so I don’t know what his complaint was. Maybe he was just used to eating that Taco Bell junk!), he’d complain about sitting down in a restaurant, he’d complain about his mom, brother, his sister, or anybody who was doing good in their lives. If a person was doing well for themselves, he’d find something negative to say about them. I do pretty well for myself financially and he’d say that I make enough money to support myself, HIM, and some kids. Yeah, girl, he wanted me to support his lame self.
I finally had it. He begged me to marry him. He begged me to forgive his bad behavior. He admitted to behaving badly…but he’s been that way since he was a kid. Some very close friends of mine have known him since they were 5 and 6 years old and they said he was always the black sheep. Always the trouble maker. Always tried to be the cool one. But ended up in a boys’ home because his mom was afraid for her safety at night. Afraid he might hurt them. As a boy he even threatened to jump out a window and kill himself all in the name of getting his way. MANIPULATIVE. He wasn’t going to kill himself. He was just trying to be in control. Sick and sad that at such a young age he would resort to such extremes.
He’d always talk to me about him dying…that he would die soon. That life was hopeless. That he didn’t know what was gonna happen with the future anymore.
So know what he’s up to now? He hooked up with a “former friend”…who he’s only known less than 2 months. (I say former because what true friend would do that? I let the girl live with me, for free, while she tried to get her bad lifestyle in check and get a job. She never got a job and continued to live with me rent free for 6 months. When she started abusing drugs and sleeping with random men she met while driving down the street for money, I had to kick her out). Now, they’re getting married. This girl has been in SEVERAL compromising situations with men all in the same night. Lost custody of her little girl. Just bad news bears. And because I told him that I’m done with the relationship, that there was too much damage, that I could not marry him (even though I loved him) he went to her because she’s, well, easy, and has no problem with hooking up with anyone who will “you-know-what”. He told a friend of mine that he was going to hook up with her to make me “jealous” and try to “lure me back” to him. That’s comedy at its finest. I wouldn’t dare touch him after he’s been with her. So while the loneliness stings, I wouldn’t dare look back. Even when he was begging me, I still stood my ground and said now. I was truly afraid one day he’d hit me – he almost did…grabbed things from my hands, blocked me from leaving my own house, raise a fist at me, but never actually struck me or pushed me…even threatened to take my car from me and leave me stranded in the middle of nowhere.
So there you have it. Take it from me. RUN. FAR. Cut ties with him. He most likely will never change – whether he is with you or another woman. The problem, love, is not you. The problem looks back at him every day when he looks in the mirror. The problem lies deep within his heart. Meanwhile, you are suffering and your happiness…your livelihood, is literally being sucked from you. Like a black hole. Do not fall further into his entrapment. Please, for your own sanity and self-worth, get out. Now. (It’s been two months, so may you already have).
xoxo
are you referring to me as the significant other? lol..
I really have a big problem in dealing with my husband. When we were still boyfriends and girlfriends, he is very kind and loving to me, but now when we already have our son, he totally change. First, he wants to control over money and my life. He always underestimate me, as if i’am useless. When i was pregnant, he always tell me that he is not the father of my husband until now that my son is already 6mos. old. He never trust me. He is so paranoid. just dont know how to deal now that we are arried and already have our son,..
I was in a toxic relationship for about six years, and then I married him. After 5 years of marriage, hearing him call me some really vulgar and vicious names (again and again), sneering at me, “You’re so tough!” and following THAT with, “I know plenty of chicks who can beat you up.” (This was perhaps the most bizarre facet of all, given that I’m 63 and he’s 53.) Yes, alchohol played a tremendous part in all this. Even though our religiion expressly forbids the use of alchohol (and I thought he was a recovering alcholic before I finally married him and moved in), he justified it with: (a) “I’m a musician,” (b) “my parents drank,” (c) “I lived in Europe,” (d) “you make me drink”…I could go on and on. If your gut tells you something is wrong, IT IS. Don’t be swayed just because you met him in church and knows Scripture forward and backward. Satan knows Scripture, too.