Women, no matter what type, have a tendency to unintentionally push a man’s buttons in the beginning of a relationship. This usually leads to the “Where did I go wrong?”, and by this time, he’s most likely to avoid any questions you insist on asking him about it. There are ways to avoid this, and there are ways to get your questions answered without having him realize he’s opening up. Which is a subject in itself. I am going to keep this as short, and sweet as possible.
These are 7 mistakes women tend to make with their beaus in the beginning, or start of a relationship, that usually get the break-up ball rolling. These are in no particular order, as they can vary in damage from each man. Just try to make a little note of them, and if you catch yourself in the process of making one, step back and ask yourself if you might regret your actions later on.
1. Ladies, men generally know it is their “responsibility” to make the phone calls.
Unless they are extremely insecure, in which case why would you bother anyway, they will call you if they want to talk to you. They will also return your calls to them, if they want to talk to you. Trust in this, if he is into you, he WILL call. If he doesn’t, then be over it. You will only annoy him, and there is no turning back from being annoying. This has never failed, and it never will. I know it’s hard to fight the urge, but this is worth it in the end.
2. I know it’s tempting when you are snuggled close together to want to talk about your relationship, and find out where you stand in all this madness.
First off, men are more action oriented when it comes to love, the fact he is snuggling with you is his way of showing you he cares about you. Don’t ruin it by trying to analyze things. You’ll find him scooting over and bringing that arm back from around your shoulders real quick. Talking about feelings makes it all too much a reality for a man, and he will close up. You might find a sensitive one here and there, but better safe than sorry.
3. Stop asking questions about his past girlfriends.
A question or two about why they broke up is fine. You have a right to know if she tried to kill him. However, too many questions about them can lead to all sorts of problems, that is including a reconciliation. You get him thinking about those good old days, and she might be the one he’s calling tomorrow.
4. Make it a habit of stepping outside yourself if you find that you have been babbling on and on.
Most men will listen for a while, but when you start going into how you like to dress your cat for the fall season. You might want to just show him Fluffy’s wardrobe instead of describing it for two hours.
5. Here’s an important one, at least in the beginning, don’t shed any tears.
If you’ve caught a sad movie, he’ll find it endearing, but if your sobbing because he forgot to hold your hand or kiss you goodbye, you are turning him off for sure.
6. This is an oldie, but a goodie
Don’t be so available. If you have been out a few times, the next time he asks, say you have plans. He’s not going to give up asking you out because you have a life. Furthermore, if he says he is going out with the boys tell him how cute you think it is, and that you hope they tear it up and have a wild time. You will score points with this, and he’ll be thinking about you while he’s out. I guess you could say you’re putting a little reverse psychology at work here, but this is almost always a fail proof tactic.
7. Okay Ladies, let’s talk about Hallmark cards, greeting cards, and just about any card you can think of.
Unless it’s a birthday, in which case, you should get something funny and just sign your name, don’t give your guy cards with a short novel written in them, or your latest poetry. This is also including those long drawn out letters, and if you are far away a letter is okay, but stay away from the hand to hand kind. Every man I know cringes at the thought of these. I know you want to pour your heart out, but it’s too much for a man to swallow when you first starting out. If he sends them to you, then you can send them back to him with no worries. However, this is highly unlikely. I’m afraid.
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Good advice. My sister and I were taught by our father never to call any boys unless it’s an emergency and the 911 buttons are missing! LOL… Kudos for my dad for taking the time to help us understand the world of males. In fact, he did such a good job that I ended up always getting along better with the opposite sex. No drama, no guessing. What you see is what you get sort of thing.
I agree with Nate. Communication is key to any successful relationship. You or your partner shouldn’t have to hide or supress any feelings or thoughts for fear of being rejected. If you’re with the right person, he/she will take the time and effort to lend a listening ear or offer a shoulder to cry on.
Be honest! You wouldn’t want to start out a relationship on faulty grounds.
I enjoyed reading everyone’s “different” perspectives on this thread. It just goes to show we are all different, and being different is okay!
Thanks for reading
Believer of honesty & kindness
I think that old adage of a woman never calling is way overdone.
I am greatly attracted to a woman who is secure enough with herself to give me a call. that doesnt’ mean a woman who just wants to chat and chat and chat, true. But to call me to find out if I’m busy or to make a date, I find extremely sexy. It means she’s confident in herself and her own actions, that she’s not bound by old traditions, but can think for herself.
I think in these modern days, it’s okay for a woman to call you. I don’t find it such a social taboo as it used to be, even in my youth. I’ve heard from many women who said they sat by their phones and never had a call from a guy for a date. then get proactive, and make your own calls. Then you’ll also see how it is for us guys to have to make the calls for dates. You’ll see what it can be like to be shot down or to gain a date. Further insight on male attitudes.
I agree with Tom, and I also say the columns advice regarding calling is total rubbish. “they will call you if they want to talk to you. They will also return your calls to them, if they want to talk to you.” Advice in both of those sentences works both ways. If a woman cant be bothered to call once in a while, or doesn’t return calls, then there is no sense wasting time with her. There is an old saying “Interested women act interested” and it couldn’t be more appropriate here. The best advice is to stop playing all these games and simply be yourself. If someone doesn’t appreciate you for who you are, they’re not right for you anyways.
Totally Agree!
This is way btteer than a brick & mortar establishment.
This is such total BS. Instead of faking who you TRULY are, is it not okay to be authentic and real about yourself so you can find the RIGHT man who accepts and loves you with all your nuances and not some plastic generic dude who gets his advice from articles like this or other guys who have had unsuccessful relationships. I have found that baring my soul upfront and showing my heart is absolutely the most important thing I can do to give and take equally within a connection to another human being. This article makes me want to hurl. It’s as if you are saying that human vulnerability is a weakness and should be quelled to avoid turning a guy off. Lame.
Well spoken. I agree completely and could not have said it better myself.
You are right. If they don’t like you for who you are, don’t waste your time. Why do you want to act cool just to get some guy who will dump you the second he sees your true self?
Absolutely Correct!
So completely true. So what if someone doesn’t like you the way you are or if you call him? Then he is just not that into you and not worth the time. Well said Zizi
Yeah i totally agree on this based on my experience. It really never work out if your gonna hide your true self. You will feel much happier if you were able to express yourself freely at least your honest to your partner its up to him whether he likes it or not. I think he would like it more.
I loled at the card thing. I’m not into cards. Depending on my mood a mushy card can either may be uncomfortable or cry. I give cards for Christmas and birthdays. I don’t add anything else other than my name and love, me. Why? Hallmark already did it for me.
why is it assumed that us females are the ones who fawn over the guys and gush with cards and words etc. I am so not that way. I have broken several relationships as the man involved was so insecure about his prowess, or his body or the other end of the scale, was a player but wanted to move in with me and no sorry i value my independance, you want to get married? fine we will talk but too many of my girlfriends make themselves too available and live with the guy and marriage etc doesnt happen or they end up controlled and lose their friends. So why give up your independance? have fun, date several guys, when the not so insecure or player type comes along, you’ll both know it. Works both ways.. As for not phoning a guy, bollocks.. call him, if he isnt interested dont call again. Move on.
That’s not even 10 miunets well spent!
Amen sista!
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I don’t agree about the card one. Quite early in the relationship, my boyfriend of about a year now gave me a beautiful card, with a lengthy message about why I’ve made him so happy. It was one of the nicest things I’ve ever received. He also made me a card on his computer for Valentine’s day with similarly sweet things. It’s his way of telling me he loves me, as he’s not always the loquacious type. So I would think, in return, he enjoys the cards I give him. Every guys is different though….
Yes, if women would be a little more proactive in calling a guy and asking him out, that would surely impress me. I also wouldn’t be single for the past three years!
Maybe it’s nto that girls call. Maybe you are unattractive, you dont call girls, or youre just a mean person like me.
I touhhgt finding this would be so arduous but it’s a breeze!
None can doubt the vrecaity of this article.
For several solid reasons, online dating has become the most popular way to meet someone and work toward a strong, trusting relationship. Surprisingly, I’ve encountered women (I am certain men do the same) — just in the initial step of saying hello — who use a profile photo that is substantially dated, submit incorrect background information or might even be married or in a relationship. I can’t get my brain around this, especially if that person eventually wants to meet you. Any ideas? Experiences?
I always ask how old their picture is, or make a wisecrack like “I am going to meet you in disguise so if you look nothing like your profile pic, I can sneak away” lol.
I just don’t understand why people can’t be honest.
This is kul & right
thanks for that info!
i feel who wrote this article dated those type of girls who are really insecure and bothered him with all that bs they had in theirs heads, but if they girl or guy has head on theirs shoulder with a bit of brains in it, i think it all will come naturally, and its OK to call to guy to make a date
RELATIONSHIPS only exciting in the beginning. but later on you will find out that love is not enough.
i aggree with you malou.you are really right.
I’m confused? Is this 1955? Who is writing this insane advice? Girls, don’t be annoying, don’t talk, please your man with martini at the door after work. Cross your legs at the ankle. Is anyone allowed to write these days??? To the writer: You just set women back 20 years! I really hope there aren’t any impressionable, young minds reading this. You should be ashamed.
You mean like you? Yes, you really should be ashamed of yourself mate!
I love articles giving women advice on how to capture a guy by being completely fake, and once you officially get him, you can reveal your true self. Ladies, that’s exactly why most early relationships fail. You’re not honest or real from the start. And anyone willing to pretend to be different to get a guy needs to step into the 21st century.
well this was a very good way of teaching of what not to do i think in honest opinion feel free to be who you are. Most guys that i know much rather you be you then some one your not and that’s a fact in high school that’s being fake and that can be harsh some times with over dramatic teen girls,And guys can get to that level to but what i have learn is be you and not what people want you to be.And most guys they give you their number and you give them yours and 6 out of 10 say call me first. Stop make excuses for men.
Let’s not be rash here! This article is not anti feminist! I am in my 30′s & I think that this is good advice. I see all of the comments about being real….i’m always that. You will never find a perfect fit for you if you’re not honest about yourself. However, be real in small doses. Don’t give your whole life history on the 1st date! I bet Miss “Bear My Whole Soul” is probably still single. Save some mystery! Let the guy work a little to get to know you! It will keep him interested during that awkward stage between “we’ve had some great dates” & “we’re a monogamous couple”. We all have our issues. The key is to not put all of your issues out there until the guy likes you sans baggage. That’s what’s real….
I agee with some of the comments, however, I feel if a fellow is truly interested, he will pickup the phone.. Texting is ok and appropriate at times, but nothing says I am interested in you more than a telephone..and face to face. I believe I am secure within myself, but also want to FEEL a fellow is interested, and I will know it when he pursues me, and not the other way around.
after my wife left me, I got so many calls from interested girls 18+ and I am a senior, true ,I live in SE Asia
These ‘rules’ were in place when I was a teenager. It all depends on who the people are. Once in awhile I’d call a guy and get turned down. Move on. I watch alot of the ‘cheating’shows such as Jerry Springer. I know it’s the real situation, but I don’t know if others act them out or not. Alot of couples are interracial, which I don’t have anything against, but both parties(all parties) are grossly immature, jealous and promiscuous. Once paternity is proven, the man should pay. But girls, keep the aspirin between your knees a while longer and don’t be so desperate to have sex,and if you are horny(same with guys) go to the ‘self serve’ island.
nice comments